Even a good marriage cannot survive bad manners

By SUSAN SCHWARTZ, The Gazette

From: Montreal Gazette

Sorry, but I don't buy this business that manners have disappeared and rudeness is rampant. Yes, it's true that the young probably stood more readily 40 years ago to offer the elderly a seat on the bus - but then, it was also acceptable for people to spit as they rode those buses 40 years ago. Everything is relative.

I believe the foundation of manners lies, as it always has, in being courteous and in considering the impact of our actions on others. That's the crux of Barbara Cartland's Etiquette Handbook: A Guide to Good Behaviour From the Boudoir to the Boardroom (Random House Books, 2008, $23.95).

The book by the prolific British writer was first published in 1962, in an era when women graced no luncheon without a hat and a 6-year-old boy learned to address an older man as Sir. Nigel Wilcockson, publishing director at Random House, called it a fascinating part of social history; he predicted it will appeal to those who recall the time with nostalgia or people charmed by the unintentional humour of chapters like those dealing with how to wash up on the servants' night off.

It's true that some sections of the handbook are hopelessly dated - comically so. But others are timeless and of great value - and none, to my mind, more than a chapter called Home Life Is What You Make It. Cartland, who died in 2000 at 98, believed that manners begin at home. And they do.

"It is a sad reflection that we can be provoked into callous and inconsiderate behaviour more easily by those we love than by anyone else," she wrote. "The self-discipline of good behaviour should never be dropped within the home, least of all by the husband and wife."

Showing good manners in marriage means everything from not hogging the bedclothes or reading if your partner wants to sleep, Cartland believed, to not nagging or criticizing your partner to looking smart even if it's just the two of you.

Good manners mean not reserving one's best self for company. "Wives resent husbands who fall asleep every evening when they are alone with their families, but can be lively, interesting, conversationalists when guests are present," she wrote.

Similarly, "a husband is repelled by a wife who nags or treats him alternately as a child, an idiot, a brute and a tyrant."

To be fair, I believe some marriages are not meant to last; it happens that two partners are fundamentally incompatible or that one is nothing more than a lout.

Sadder is when a marriage ends because one partner or the other stops caring enough to give the relationship his - or her - best. In the absence of the nurturing the marriage needs, it shrivels.

It is during courtship, though, that at least a pretense of good manners is shown - even by the most uncouth people, Cartland opined. Partners take care with everything from their appearance to their words, as they "try to show the height and depth of their characters when expressing their hopes and ambitions."

A cardinal rule for partners, then, "is to treasure the beauty and spiritual yearning of that awakening love, and to turn it into the strong, enduring and equally beautiful love of married life," she wrote.

"I am sure that the spiritual side of love is destroyed in many marriages entirely by rudeness and contempt."

Just as familiarity breeds contempt, so, too, can living together under the same roof lead to lack of consideration, Cartland says. She berates women who don't try to look attractive in the house and admonishes men: "Washing, shaving and hair brushing are tasks to complete as early as possible, not delayed or omitted because only your wife will see you."

Gestures of affection and terms of endearment, too, remain important - and not just in the privacy of the boudoir.

"Husbands should remember to be lovers, in thought as well as in deed," Cartland wrote. "No man can be excused for later omitting the small courtesies of gratitude, tenderness and consideration. On these, more than on anything else, rests a happy marriage."

© Copyright (c) Canwest News Service

Thai 'Spider-Man' to the rescue


An unusual disguise has helped a Bangkok fireman rescue an eight-year-old boy who had climbed on to a third-floor window ledge, Thai police say.

The firefighter dressed up as the comic book superhero Spider-Man in order to coax the boy, who is autistic, from his dangerous perch.

Police said teachers had alerted the fire station after the boy began crying and climbed out of a classroom window.

It was reportedly his first day at the special needs school.

Efforts by the teachers to persuade the pupil to come back inside had failed.

But a remark by his mother about his passion for comic superheroes prompted fireman Somchai Yoosabai to rush back to the station, where he kept a Spider-Man costume in his locker.

The sight of Mr Somchai dressed as Spider-Man and holding a glass of juice for him, brought a big smile to the boy's face, and he promptly threw himself into the arms of his "superhero", police said.

Mr Somchai normally uses the costume to liven up fire drills in schools.

Extreme kids
If your child jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?
By Debbie Olsen, For The Calgary Herald
From: http://www.montrealgazette.com/life/parenting/Extreme+kids/1402036/story.html

Extreme sports like bungee jumping are becoming more popular with people of all ages. Many activities that were once the domain of adventurous adults are available for the younger set--providing they have parental approval. The tough thing as a parent is deciding whether an activity is too extreme for your comfort level--or theirs.

When it comes to risk-taking, sometimes it's best to let your children stretch their wings with carefully controlled activities. On a recent trip to New Zealand, our two teenaged boys were excited to try bungee jumping. The other four members of our family were not as eager, but we all climbed up the Auckland Bridge and stood beside the bungee platform to cheer on the dare devils. The experience gave new meaning to the old question: "If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump to?"

Here are some ideas for extreme (and not so extreme) activities.

THE ORIGINAL BUNGEE JUMP

In 1986, A. J. Hacket made his first jump from Auckland's Greenhithe Bridge. He opened the world's first permanent commercial bungee site at Kawarau Bridge near Queenstown not long afterward. He is one of the world's largest commercial bungee operators with permanent sites in New Zealand and around the world.

Two of our boys decided they'd like to bungee jump with the world's original operator off the Auckland Bridge. Like millions of adventurous souls before them, they lived to tell the tale.Info:It costs about $85 Cdn to bungee jump off the Auckland Bridge and that includes an A. J. Hackett Bungee T-shirt. (bungy. co. nz).

Hint: For about $24 Cdn per person, you can climb to the bungee platform and watch your friend or family member take the plunge off the Auckland Bridge. The views from the top are worth the fee, but seeing your loved one drop from the top is priceless.

ZORBING

As we rounded the stretch of New Zealand highway that leads into Rotorua we caught our first glimpse of the Zorb, a large sphere that looks like a giant beach ball. Inside the larger ball was a smaller one and inside of that was a tourist who was running down the hill like a hamster in an exercise ball. Our kids knew it was something they just had to try.Info:The zorb was invented in New Zealand and there are several places there and around the world where you can experience zorbing. It costs about $30 Cdn for one ride in Rotorua. (zorb. co. nz).

TANDEM PARASAILING

Sammy Duvall's Watersport Centre at Disney's Contemporary Resort in Florida offers a unique parasailing experience for families that provides a bird's-eye view of Walt Disney World that maxes out at 180 metres in height.Info:Parasailing flights start at $95 US for a single rider or $170 for two tandem riders. All fliers must be over six years old and the total weight on the parachute must be between 57 kg and 150 kg. ( sammyduvall.com).

TANDEM HANG-GLIDING

It takes months of training to be able to solo hang-glide, but novices can enjoy a tandem flight in a single morning. With an instructor by your side, you are towed 2,000 feet into the air and free fly for 15 to 20 minutes. While in the air, your instructor teaches you how to steer the glider using your body weight. People from ages four to 40 have enjoyed the experience and on a recent visit to Orlando, my 10-year-old daughter and I gave it a try. Exhilarating!

Info: A standard tandem instruction flight costs $120 at Wallaby Ranch near Orlando.( wallaby.com).

SAFETY FIRST

It's important to check out a company's safety measures as well as its safety record prior to participating in any type of extreme activity. Wearing proper safety gear for the activity such as helmets, pads, and proper clothing and having adequate travel medical insurance in place is also a must.

Debbie Olsen is an Alberta-based freelance writer and mother of four children.

© Copyright (c) Canwest News Service

Helping Children Cope with Death

by Dr. Benjamin Spock
(This article could be useful for the EARLY CHILDHOOD EDUACTION program).

Death is a fact of life that every child must grapple with. For some, the death of a goldfish is their first exposure; for others, it is the death of a grandparent. In many cultures, death is viewed as a natural occurrence, and no attempt is made to isolate it from everyday life.

How parents talk about it shapes a child's perception. Our culture, on the other hand, remains very uneasy about the whole thing. People tend to die in institutions, not at home with family present. We use euphemisms to talk about death: "He kicked the bucket, went to sleep, bought the farm" -- anything to distance us from the reality that, in fact, he died. And we wonder whether young children would be too stressed by attending the funeral.

If adults are uncomfortable with the notion of death, it is no wonder that many are even more perplexed about how to help children deal with it. Some would just as soon deny the whole thing.

That dog lying motionless at the side of the road? "He's just resting. He's fine. What did you learn in school today?" Others choose to avoid the concrete and focus solely on the ethereal: "The angels came and took Grandpa and now he's up in heaven with Grandma." Still others duck the question altogether: "Don't you worry about what death is. No one is going to die soon. Where do you get such ideas?"

Talk at your child's level
Like most things in life, children can best learn to deal with death when their parents answer their questions at their level and treat it as a natural subject to talk about. Obviously, the impact and meaning of a child's first exposure to death depend on a number of circumstances:

• How old the child is and her developmental level of understanding.

• What and who died and how close he was to the child.

• The cause of death and whether it was expected or sudden.

For preschool-age children
In the preschool years, children's ideas and misconceptions about death are influenced by the magical tendencies of their thinking in general. Children this age may believe, for example, that death is reversible and that the dead person will come back someday. They are too young to understand death's immutable finality. They also tend to feel responsible for everything that happens in their world, including death, and may fear punishment for unkind thoughts they had about the dead person or animal. They may also view death as "catching," like a cold, and worry that someone else will soon die.

See: Brain Development: How It All Starts

They tend to think in very concrete terms: "How will Uncle Bob breathe if he's in the ground?" Parents can help a child by being equally concrete: "Uncle Bob won't breathe anymore. He also won't eat with us anymore or brush his teeth."

It should be emphasized to children at this age that they in no way caused the death and that death is a part of the life cycle. Parents should also help their child deal with grief by acknowledging that losing a friend or grandparent is very sad and that it is sad to think that person won't be coming back. By dealing with their own feelings, parents can help the child deal with her feelings.

See: Answering Questions about Death

Funerals
Many parents wonder what to do about allowing a 3- to 6-year-old child to attend the funeral of a relative or close friend of the family. I think that if a child wants to attend a funeral, if the parents are comfortable with the idea, and if the parents prepare him for what will happen at the funeral, then children from the age of 3 onward can attend funerals.

They can even accompany the family to the cemetery for the burial. It's important that an adult whom the child knows well is with the child and emotionally available to him at all times, to answer questions and if necessary, to take the child home if he becomes too upset.

Health Care for More Kids

Children's health-care insurance bill passes the Senate

About 9 million American kids are growing up in families that do not have health insurance. But it appears that help is on the way for many families that do not have the money to pay for doctors or medicine.

Last week, the Senate passed a bill that will expand a U.S. government program that provides children's health insurance coverage for families who can't afford it.

The bill is called SCHIP, or State Children's Health Insurance Program. The program provides insurance to children in families that make too much money to qualify for Medicaid coverage, but not enough to afford private insurance.

More than 7 million kids received health care insurance from an older version of SCHIP during 2008. This new version of the bill extends that coverage to an additional 4 million kids.

SCHIP is an important piece of President Barack Obama's plan to reform health care overall.

"Providing health care to more than 10 million children through the Children's Health Insurance Program will serve as a down payment on my commitment to ensure that every American has access to quality, affordable health care," President Obama said in a statement.

The program will be funded by an increase in the federal tax on cigarettes, from 39 cents to $1 a pack. This tax increase will generate $32 billion to finance expansion of the program.

States have different eligibility rules for the program. But in most states, uninsured children below the age of 19, whose families earn up to $44,100 a year (for a family of four) would be eligible under the Senate bill.

This insurance pays for doctor visits, immunizations, illnesses that require a stay in the hospital, and emergency room visits.

Although there was some support for expanding SCHIP from Republicans, many of them have proposed amendments to limit the program. Republicans generally believe the government should have a very limited role in health care. But because Democrats now hold a majority in the Senate, they were able to defeat amendments to the bill.

But even with the expansion of SCHIP, about 5 million children will still be uninsured.

During his election campaign, Obama called for requiring all children to have health coverage. SCHIP may prove a strong step in that direction. The House of Representatives still needs to pass the bill before it can go to President Obama for his signature.


Question:

Do you think this will help or hurt Americans ability to access health care? Why?

Cutting Nurses, Cutting Care

10 Feb 09 -- The "Cutting Nurses, Cutting Care" campaign, which launched on February 9, is an effort to stop cuts to registered nursing positions and nursing care hours that threaten patient care.

ONA has received notices of hundreds of cuts to RN positions, and expects the numbers to balloon as Ontario health-care facilities grapple with balancing their budgets.

The "Cutting Nurses, Cutting Care" campaign features radio spots airing in Toronto, Hamilton, Kingston, Windsor, Ottawa, London, Sudbury, Timmins, North Bay and Thunder Bay. The ads ask listeners how long they’re willing to risk their health and urge them to take action to stop cuts that will damage the quality of health care.

To inform Ontarians about the cuts and their implications, ONA has also created a new website - www.cuttingnursescuttingcare.ca. In addition to facts about the cuts, the nursing shortage and risks to patient care, the site also features a way for visitors to easily e-mail their MPP. By entering their postal code, Ontarians can urge politicians to stop nursing cuts.

To view the advertisement and to learn more about registered nursing cuts and Ontario’s nursing shortage, visit www.cuttingnursescuttingcare.ca.